Tag Archives: humour

The Book of Warren (The Unauthorised Revised Version)

In the beginning was a “big bang”. No one is sure how it happened but it happened about 14 billion years ago (in Earth time, that is). All the material in the universe came from this event. The material in the form of dust slowly gathered to form galaxies, suns, planets and satellites through attraction. The planet we call Earth was formed about 4 billion years ago, a little after the formation of the Sun, the star which gives us the energy for our survival, around which we revolve. Life on Earth began around 1 billion years ago in the form of simple cells. Our species – Homo – is perhaps one to two million years old. Civilisation in the form of societies and writing came about perhaps 20,000 years ago. Recognisable society is perhaps 7,000 years old. We know these things because we are smart.

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hippocampus

a college (esp. for hippopotamuses) which specialises in the study of the workings of human short-term memory.

selfish

a person who hoards the money he or she makes from selling a lot of fish.

More sustainability humour

I love humour. Humour provokes a reaction, a reaction only something organic, mortal and sentient can do. It therefore reaffirms one being alive by simply provoking this reaction. Sometimes humour makes you think. Sometimes humour is true.

America has the highest standard of living in the world. It’s just a pity we can’t afford it.

What is wealth? Wealth isn’t what we can afford, but what we are content with.

I’m determined to stay out of debt – even if I have to borrow to money to do so.

“Property is theft,” said French anarchist, Pierre-Joseph Proudon. And money makes all things property and therefore theft.

The country’s national debt totals billions of dollars. Which raises the interesting question, how do you repossess a country?

Remember, we must not let our leaders drive us to poverty.

Advice to thin men – don’t eat fast. Advice to fat men – don’t eat … fast.

How a pause can change the whole meaning of a statement.

A diplomat is someone who is appointed to avert situations which would never occur if there were no diplomats.

The vicious circle.

A diplomat is someone who acts disarming when his country is not.

Puns are a lot of phun.

If a diplomat says yes, he means perhaps; if he says perhaps he means no; if he says no, it means he is not a diplomat.

No straight chaser.

The art of diplomacy is to say nothing – especially when you’re speaking.

Haha.

There are few ironclad rules of diplomacy, but to one there is no exception. When an official reports that talks were useful, it can safely be concluded that nothing was accomplished.

It all depends on what “useful” means to you.

Worn Out Shoe

A Buddhist is like a worn out shoe – No Soul.

Sustainability Wit

  1. We need science to solve all the problems we wouldn’t have if there were no science.
  2. “If sunbeams were weapons of war, we would have had solar energy long ago.” Sir George Porter
  3. Gravity is a myth – the Earth sucks.
  4. Whenever he thought about the environment he felt absolutely terrible. So he came to a fateful decision. He decided not to think about it.
  5. The modern electric toothbrushes are having an effect on tooth care. In fact, my dentist was telling me that in Great Britain today, the major cause of tooth decay is weak batteries.
  6. Progress: the continuing effort to make things to be as good as they used to be.
  7. Have you ever noticed how modern developers operate? They bulldoze the trees and then name the streets after them!
  8. Most people in the city have come up from the country to make enough money to leave the city and live in the country.
  9. The government is finally doing something about energy conservation. They are asking motorists to remember to turn off their wind-screen wipers whenever they drive under a bridge.
  10. How wonderful it is to wake up in the middle of London every morning to the sounds of the birds coughing.